My son, the smart ass

My son, the Australian biologist, delights in pimping me around about this blog. I just got an e-mail from him with a suggestion about a future blog post.   He even sent some media for inclusion.

OK, I admit it.  I have a large nose.  My children have always made fun of my nose.  In fact, the urchins are relentless on that subject.

In today’s e-mail, Keller suggests that my next post discuss the “prominent”  role of “the nose” in “life, society and the judiciary.”  Sending me photos showing the rather prominent  proboscises of Justice Stevens, Justice Thomas and Judge Feinberg,  boy wonder also helpfully provides the following image of United States District Judge John Pickering, the first judge to be impeached.



7 responses

  1. Couldn’t resist, one of my dad’s favorites. A (long) reply for your son. 🙂 From the free site Poetry in Translation, excerpted from CYRANO de BERGERAC:
    Ah no! That’s too brief, young man!
    You might have said…Oh!… a hundred things, to plan
    by varying the tone … for example just suppose…
    Aggressive: ‘I, Sir, if I had such a nose,
    I’d have it amputated on the spot!’
    Friendly: ‘But it must drown itself a lot,
    you need a drinking-bowl of a special shape!’
    Descriptive: ‘It’s a rock! … A peak! … A cape!
    What’s that, it’s a cape?….. It’s a peninsular!’
    Curious: ‘That oblong bag what’s it serve you for?
    A sheath for scissors? Or a writing case?’
    Gracious: ‘Do you love the winged race
    so much, that you benignly set yourself
    to provide their little claws with a shelf!’
    Insolent: ‘Sir, when that pipe of yours glows
    does the tobacco smoke rise from your nose
    and make the neighbours cry, your chimney’s on fire?’
    Considerate: ‘Have a care, … lest your head grow tired
    of such a weight … and it’s the ground you sit on!’
    Tender: ‘Have a small umbrella fashioned,
    for fear lest in sunshine it lose all its colour!’
    Pedantic: ‘That rare beast, Aristophanes, Sir,
    named Hippocamp-elephanto-camelos,
    must have on its head such flesh, such a solid boss!’
    Familiar: ‘The latest fashion, my friend, that crook
    for hanging your hat on? True, it’s a useful hook!’
    Eloquent: ‘No winds at all, majestic nose
    can give you colds! Except when the mistral blows!’
    Dramatic: ‘When it bleeds it’s the Red Sea!’
    Admiring: ‘What a sign for a perfumery!’
    Lyric: ‘Is this a conch? … are you a Triton?’
    Simple: ‘This monument, when does it open?’
    Respectful: ‘Sir, allow me to congratulate you
    that’s what we call owning a gabled view!’
    Rustic: ‘Nah! That thing a nose? No way, not it!
    That’s a dwarf pumpkin, or a giant turnip!’
    Military: ‘Point that thing towards the cavalry!’
    Practical: ‘Do you want it entered in the lottery!
    Certainly, sir, it would be the biggest prize!’
    Or lastly … parodying Pyramus’s sighs:
    ‘Behold the nose that mars its owner’s nature
    destroying harmony! It blushes now, the traitor!’
    – That’s an idea, sir, of what you might have said,
    if you’d an ounce of wit or letters in your head:
    but of wit, O most lamentable creature
    you’ve never had an atom, and you feature
    three letters only, and those three spell: Ass!
    And were your wit of sufficient class,
    to aim a single foolish pleasantry,
    at me, in front of all this noble gallery,
    you’d not have been allowed to speak a quarter
    of the least beginning of a single one of them, for
    though I aim them at myself, so wittily,
    I don’t let any man aim them at me!

  2. Sorry for going on, but I realized the above reflects what has kept him from getting cynical over the years– an excellent sense of humor and (knowing him) a conviction that he is defending the little guy (or girl).

  3. Jill,

    Thanks very much. I may try that out on Boyo, although he is now Boyo, Phd and will have some snotty reply that I won’t understand. All the best.


  4. If he’s a Ph.D., he should have the attention span to read it all the way through.;) Your blog makes for good reading, thanks for writing.

  5. It’s not like Hollywood is, or ever was, beating down Keller’s door.

    Love the blog, Judge. In particular, the shout out to us small town lawyers; Judge Doyle’s Court is one of my favorites even though I don’t get over there as often as I’d like.

  6. Nate, you dog! Good to hear from you. I hope K reads your comment. If he doesn’t, I will read it to him.

    All the best.


  7. Pingback: The detritus of life, a self-portrait « Hercules and the umpire.

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