I am really worried about Chinese hackers. Additionally, I am really worried about the kid who disclosed a bunch of secret stuff and fled to Hong Kong. (I have been to Hong Kong–he should try the dumplings.) Most importantly, I am really worried that the Chinese or the kid in Hong Kong may tap into my super secret federal judge stuff.
This morning when I “fired up” the government laptop at home, this is what happened:
- The laptop spoke to the hardware router via encrypted something or other. Buzzing ensued.
- The finger print scanner on the laptop failed. I had been eating a sugar donut, and the instructions say to wash your hands before accessing the scanner. Even after I licked my fingers, the damn thing wouldn’t work.
- I used the alternate password method to open the laptop.
- I then put in the second password to get to the desktop.
- With that, I then accessed the secure network via another password.
- After that, I got into my e-mail account with yet another password.
- I accessed the Apple e-mail about Black Sabbath that I blogged about yesterday secure in the knowledge that Chinese hackers or the kid in Hong Kong had absolutely no clue whatever about whether I added Black Sabbath to my play list.
I just wanted you to know that all my top-secret judge stuff is safe. I know you were really worried.