The fuse worked!

It seems like long ago that I wrote Lighting the fuse: It is time to get rid of court reporters in the federal courts. Today, I received a comment to that post. While the comment is very tardy, I am amused by it anyway. I think most readers will be too. So, on the assumption that readers of this blog don’t follow a post written in July and comment thereto received today, I reprint the following bit of sterling advocacy using the “all caps” format used by the writer:

MR. RGK, YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU THINK YOU’RE SMARTER JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A “JUDGE”. I AM PRETTY DAMNED SURE YOU WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO DO WHAT A TRAINED COURT REPORTER DOES. I FEEL VERY SORRY FOR YOU THAT YOU MAKE ALL THESE ASSUMPTIONS WITH NOTHING TO BACK IT UP. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD A PERSON WITH A DEEP HAITIAN/HISPANIC ACCENT?????? LETS SEE A VOICE MACHINE PICK THAT UP!!! NOT!!!! I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR FACE IF PRESIDENT OBAMA TOLD YOU THAT YOU DID NOT HAVE THE QUALIFICATIONS TO BE A JUDGE. I SUGGEST YOU SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. I ALSO FEEL VERY SORRY FOR ANYONE WHO HAS TO STEP INTO YOUR COURTROOM BECAUSE LITTLE DO THEY KNOW, THEY’RE DEALING WITH A MAN WHO HAS NO HEART. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO YOU, ASSHOLE!

Comment posted by Jovan. Submitted on 2013/12/08 at 11:35 am

RGK

14 responses

  1. Because posts such as that deserve no more than a chuckle, a picture, and a quick sea burial.

  2. And by “quick sea burial” I mean flushing it down the toilet. Thanks for the distraction from finals prep!

  3. Wow. Are you sure this isn’t spam? It’s hard to believe that an actual court reporter, in the words of a commander I once had, can only write in crayon.

    I also vaguely resent his close. I’m an asshole. Guys like your correspondent give us true assholes a bad name.

    Eric Hines

  4. Do you think it’s taken him 5 months to compose that? Kind of weak, if so. I would have expected more….

  5. I’m glad Jovan waited – cuz that merry fuckin christmas asshole – just knocked it out of the park for me. Thanks for the laugh. By the way. Merry Christmas

    Korey.

  6. in our state court district, finding replacement court reporters is almost impossible. perhaps the federal courts have enough money to entice them to apply. i don’t mind the idea of digital recording, but at least in my state, trying to get even a cd to listen to is nearly impossible. we’re certainly a long ways away from having that information readily available for the public, let alone for attorneys.

  7. My local state Court has been audio taped for decades.

    However, Jovan is correct that tapes can’t do what a Reporter can do.

    Back in the day, each Judge had their personally selected reporter. One Judge had the (now practically extinct) practice of commenting on the evidence to the Jury during instructions.

    He’d say, “If you believe the Commonwealth’s evidence, then you might find … blah blah.”

    THEN, the following would occur:

    Judge: (rising from his chair, gazing skyward sorrowfully, and raising both hands in supplication) “If, on the other hand, you believe the Defendant’s contentions (Pause, with a snort, snicker or suppressed laugh and a sideways glance at the Jury) then … blah blah.

    Me: Objection!

    Court Reporter: Sits on both hands – literally. Stops taking anything.

    Judge: What’s your objection?

    Me: Your gestures and non-verbal comments were prejudicial. Are we on the record?

    Judge: Of course.

    Me: The Reporter isn’t taking anything.

    Judge: I can’t help that. (to the Reporter – “Are we on the Record?” Answer: “Yes, Your Honor.” – while still sitting on both hands)

    … and so on …

    Guess what the transcript on appeal didn’t show?

    Russ Carmichael

  8. Maybe she can get a job as a telegram transcriber to put her skills to use.

    DEAR MOM STOP
    KIDS AND WIFE DOING GREAT STOP
    WILL VISIT FOR EASTER STOP
    MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS FULL STOP

  9. Russ,

    Thanks for the great story. It used to be that bench conferences were never recorded where I practiced. Some pretty salty words came out of the mouths of judges at those conferences.

    All the best.

    RGK

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