How do I put this delicately . . .

The clinic wants  me to stop losing weight. So, they gave me samples of stuff with a lot of liquid protean. I drank one after my early morning blood draw yesterday. Hours later, without warning while listening to the testimony of the plaintiff during a non-jury trial, I learned something. You can’t look dignified calling an immediate recess, turning and exiting through the secure door behind you at a run while stripping your robe off at the same time, and then sprinting through the jury deliberation room to find the nearest bathroom. When I returned to the bench, the lawyers and everyone else did their absolute best to keep their faces straight, I mumbled some lame toilet joke, and the trial proceeded apace. That folks is legal realism.


13 responses

  1. Judge, do you need to be reminded again of United States v. Strong 12-1842 (1st Circuit, 2013)?

  2. Peter H.,

    You are a mean, cruel but really funny person. No, please no more Strong. By the way, there was no comparability, but I will go no further.

    All the best.


  3. Ron,

    Thanks for looking after me. I think I must now demand a portable Article III toilet, something like a golden Roman chariot but pulled by law clerks.

    All the best.


  4. You do need to mind the sugar alcohols in those protein bars–only the protean ones are…soft…enough to have them. I also avoid the ones whose protein is soya-based. I need to have casein and other milk-based protein, or I get quite loose, too.

    Eat real butter, too, and to hell with the anti-fat crowd. Too little fat triggers forces you to rely exclusively on blood sugar as your body’s only energy source, and that’s very hard to control: too little, and you bonk cerebrally, too much and serious organ damage occurs.

    And at our age who cares about a bit of cholesterol (Omega-3 enhanced eggs and fish oil deals with that quite nicely. So does actual, range-running, grass-fed beef, which is plussed up with Omega-3s–and man does that stuff taste orders of magnitude better than corn-fed.)?

    Eric Hines

  5. Judge:
    As per your Roman chariot, you must also have one of the law clerks whispering in your ear saying “All glory is fleeting…”

  6. I am serious about milkshakes from Coldstone Creamery. One of them has almost 1000 calories. Of course, you have to continue to eat well and protein sounds much healthier, but we lived off of those milkshakes. No odd bathroom episodes either.

  7. Judge:

    I HEAR (no personal knowledge, mind you) that smoking a little weed can both decrease chemo symptoms and increase appetite.

    Just sayin’.


    Russ Carmichael

  8. Russ,

    As I have said before, I came of of age in the 1960s without smoking weed and have never had the occasion since to try it. I am ashamed of myself for being such a little frump.

    Per your suggestion, maybe I can get Joan to fire up her old red Cadillac and we could take a trip to Colorado this weekend. “Joan and Rich’s pretty good magical mystery tour, 2014.” That’s the ticket!

    All the best.


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