A highly regarded Lincoln trial lawyer wrote me a note yesterday. She told me that I ought to rethink my constant bitching about the fact that I don’t have my own Article III toilet. She pointed me to this article, and photo, in the ABA Journal, entitled Exploding courthouse toilet is blamed on recalled product. Because I continue my sophomoric view of the world, I just loved the idea of an exploding toilet in some state courthouse. It gave me the opportunity to write about “shit” without using the word.
However, I realized that if I were not careful, I might further a misimpression. Sadly, and like many others, my correspondent failed to recognize that federal Article III toilets, including the entire bathroom, are made of gold and not cheap porcelain like the one used in the Montana courthouse that is the subject of the article. This is a common error made by mere trial lawyers who never have the opportunity to see (or use) what stimulus spending can do when put to proper use. What a shame.
Here is a pretty close approximation of what I am missing (and what I am entitled to):
No, Jeanelle, I shall not stop complaining. If I have to I will play the C (cancer) card. I hope it doesn’t come to that. But the Administrative Office of the United States Courts in Washington is herewith warned.