In the playoffs, there is little question that the Pats (being lying, cheating, and stealing rats) deflated footballs in order to allow the delicate and tiny hands of pretty boy Tom Brady to more easily grasp and throw the pigskin.
⇓ (notice tiny hands requiring Brady to grasp football in odd ways)
Deflate-gate deniers attribute the loss of pressure in the Pat’s footballs to leakage, ambient temperature change and other sorts of nonsense. The NFL is deferring the investigation until after the big game this weekend. So what to do to prevent this horror from happening again during the Super bowl?
Fill the footballs with nitrogen. See the very accurate scientific diagram below.
I think I got this idea from Angie’s list, but I was drinking last night. When I drink, Angie sometimes appears in my dreams. In my somnolence, Angie’s hands are much larger than Brady’s hands. I’m also (relatively) certain that is true in real life.
⇐ (Notice large hand size)