What Angie can teach us about avoiding another deflate-gate at the Super bowl

In the playoffs, there is little question that the Pats (being lying, cheating, and stealing rats) deflated footballs in order to allow the delicate and tiny hands of pretty boy Tom Brady to more easily grasp and throw the pigskin.

⇓ (notice tiny hands requiring Brady to grasp football in odd ways)     

Ravens Patriots Football

Deflate-gate deniers attribute the loss of pressure in the Pat’s footballs to leakage, ambient temperature change and other sorts of nonsense. The NFL is deferring the investigation until after the big game this weekend. So what to do to prevent this horror from happening again during the Super bowl?

Fill the footballs with nitrogen. See the very accurate scientific diagram below.

nitrogen1-2I think I got this idea from Angie’s list, but I was drinking last night. When I drink, Angie sometimes appears in my dreams. In my somnolence, Angie’s hands are much larger than Brady’s hands. I’m also (relatively) certain that is true in real life.






⇐ (Notice large hand size)


8 responses

  1. Well I imagine this will figure pretty prominently into the recusal demands for all Patriots / Brady / Inadvertent, immaterial PSI reduction-based litigation. See, e.g., Judge Bennett v. Paper Pushers.

    Also, Rule 404? This was a hit job. Go Pats!

  2. Nitrogen? I would go with hydrogen. It would make the balls less likely to hit the ground, and when they did we would know it.

  3. Very funny. I shared it with my friends who work with the real Angie! The benefits of being a native Hoosier, where Angie lives.

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