In the playoffs, there is little question that the Pats (being lying, cheating, and stealing rats) deflated footballs in order to allow the delicate and tiny hands of pretty boy Tom Brady to more easily grasp and throw the pigskin.
⇓ (notice tiny hands requiring Brady to grasp football in odd ways)
Deflate-gate deniers attribute the loss of pressure in the Pat’s footballs to leakage, ambient temperature change and other sorts of nonsense. The NFL is deferring the investigation until after the big game this weekend. So what to do to prevent this horror from happening again during the Super bowl?
Fill the footballs with nitrogen. See the very accurate scientific diagram below.
I think I got this idea from Angie’s list, but I was drinking last night. When I drink, Angie sometimes appears in my dreams. In my somnolence, Angie’s hands are much larger than Brady’s hands. I’m also (relatively) certain that is true in real life.
⇐ (Notice large hand size)
RGK
Hercules and the umpire. 
Not Guilty
Go Patriots!
Precisely what I would expect from a criminal defense lawyer who is bald.
All the best (sorta).
RGK
Well I imagine this will figure pretty prominently into the recusal demands for all Patriots / Brady / Inadvertent, immaterial PSI reduction-based litigation. See, e.g., Judge Bennett v. Paper Pushers.
Also, Rule 404? This was a hit job. Go Pats!
Go Seahawks!
(The hawks work better as the underdog. Odds makers have a one point favor to the Patriots.)
Perfect.
Go Seahawks!
This constitutes the extent of my comprehension of football:
http://theoatmeal.com/pl/working_home/piggers
Congrats Patriots!
Nitrogen? I would go with hydrogen. It would make the balls less likely to hit the ground, and when they did we would know it.
Very funny. I shared it with my friends who work with the real Angie! The benefits of being a native Hoosier, where Angie lives.