12 responses

  1. I’ll save everyone the trouble of clicking on the link: there are no pictures in that news story..

  2. This might vie with “Headless Body in Topless Bar” for best tabloid headline.*

    From the story: “‘The whole thing is unusual,’ Palm Bay police Lt. Greg Latulippe said.” Ya think?

    *Actually, the greatest headline, or headlines, appeared in the Boston Herald (I think–it might still have been the Record-American at the time) in 1978, when Pope John Paul I died only a month after being elected. At the same time, the Red Sox were engaged in a pennant battle, which they would, of course, blow. So the paper’s front page that morning read:


    Sox Still Alive

  3. I am trying to get my head around this sentence: “The nurse apparently decided to take off her clothes and not act normally.”

    I’m thinking that both this entire incident — and the reporting of it by the Miami Herald — are also not normal.

    I’m also thinking of checking out the availability of rental housing in the area of the 800 Block of Hawaii Avenue in Miami.


  4. Sure, we’re easy pickins down here in the Phallus-Shaped State. Every time there’s something strange–Floriduh. Every time someone gets a little rambunctious, it’s the heat. Every time a woman gets run over by a car on the beach, it’s the salt air. People with monkeys, parrots or pythons in bars is second-stage senility.

    Of course, it’s none of that: we just get the other states’ squirrels. A retirement community with the highest rate of STDs in the country? Check. Judges go wild? Check. Ponzi for billions? Check. Cars seemingly driving themselves, only to find really short 95-year-olds behind the wheel? In droves.

    But I draw the line here: you can’t pretend this stuff doesn’t happen in your state. It does. We are just way better at doing it than your lunatics. It’s that damned Jimmy Buffett’s fault. Making people think margaritas lead to a pirate’s life. Next thing you know, the dumbasses are bobbing like corks in the ocean, bloated like sea urchins! Special boats go out to scoop the bodies. Dumbasses,

    Rich, you can’t go to Miami. This is a ploy to get people to go there. In reality, the “nurse” was a 300 lb. Haitian guy in drag. He’s probably wanted on 14 continents for doing the same thing, which is an accomplishment. He was definitely listening to Buffett on his Walkman while grinding on the patient. In true Miami style, he stayed, naked, until the cops showed.

    No, Rich, you belong in the rest of Florida. It’s always an easy drive to find the freaks when the urge strikes. It will. It’s the heat.

  5. Yes, you are correct – it is the “heat” -specifically the sun, which beats on their heads and turns their brains to mush. There is a similar problem in California. Arizona is not so bad because it is so damned blast furnace hot there that no sane person ventures out; hence less brain mush. As for the never-grown-up hippies in Colorado, I think we know what the problem there is. 🙂

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