THE SCOTUS MARRIAGE DECISION, IN HAIKU.
BY DANIELA LAPIDOUS*
– – – –
Roberts’ dissent:
I support you all
No, really, I do, but this
Isn’t our problem.
Alito’s dissent:
“Happiness is not
the point of marriage, fools. It’s
BABIES,” he whispered.
Thomas’ dissent:
“Liberty” – this word,
I do not think Locke means what
You think it means. Sigh.
Scalia’s dissent:
You’re not a poet,
Kennedy. And by the way,
Democracy’s dead.
Kennedy’s majority decision:
Hark! Love is love, and
love is love is love is love.
It is so ordered.
RGK
*Published in Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, (last accessed July 8, 2015).
H/t: Homer315
Hercules and the umpire. 
Check out @legal_haiku, the Twitter handle for Omaha lawyer Lauren Foster. She has been doing haiku SCOTUS summaries for years for all sorts of cases.
I’m fairly certain that this is the most a federal judge has ever liked anything I’ve sent to him or her (and I’ve filed a lot of things). Perhaps my next motion for summary judgment should be in haiku…
Homer315,
Dare I say that it might be more understandable? No, that would be unkind.
Seriously, thanks for sending this along. If nothing else, it brought a smile to my face. Recently, smiles have been in short supply on this coots face.
All the best.
RGK
It’s been a week since I first read it, and it still brings a smile to my face (especially the majority decision — that one might very well be the perfect haiku).
Judge:
The essence of the dissents:
Bushmen, Chinese and
Carthaginians ask: “Who
do we think we are?”
OR
SSM hubris
Nine unelected lawyers:
Just who will rule you?
Robert
There once was a judge from Nantucket…
oh never mind